I miss Catholic Church, a tiny bit.

 I went to a Catholic school K-5

It was not a good time in my life.  This is gonna suck to get out but I need to do it.

My Mom was raised Catholic and I was baptized.  My parents decided that sending me to a Catholic school would be better for me.  I will admit I got a very good education.  I was far ahead of my public school counterparts when I transferred.  I have ADHD, my parents were wonderful and fought the school every time they would get a call.  She had many meetings and a full board of people to talk too.  The sad truth about this is I probably got kicked out but my parents made it seem like it was my decision.  
I was teased, judged, and made to feel horrible about myself.  I was made to prove myself daily to my female classmates who didn't understand me.  When I tried to do the easy thing and play sports, I was picked last although I am really strong.  When I would play with the other "outcasts" I would be cast in the villain role because I was bigger than them.  Although my teachers were pretty good they did not maintain composure around me and would blow up on me at least twice a year.  That was until 3rd Grade where my teacher was just a plain bully.  I was saved the following year by a teacher who lived close to me and I adored.  She was patient and kind.  I still got in trouble a lot but I was willing to complete goals for her.  By the 5th grade I was in full bloom, my Trichotillomania had started, I was very dark and mean because I felt I had no one to talk to and everyone thought I was strange. I was being made fun of to my face and behind my back. I also sang, all the time, I couldn't just listen and focus in class.  I would put Elmer's glue on my hand and let it dry, peel it off and look at the mirror image of my palm print.  I would play with stuff in my desk as we were being taught.
I transferred in the 5th grade.  I got to play soccer before leaving and it was okay but I hate running.  I got to go to CCD class and basketball practice on Wednesdays.  I liked basketball more but again with the running.  And you have to dribble while doing that.  Just put me under the basket and I will shoot the ball.  I really wanted to play football or wrestle but that was unheard of; a girl playing with the boys, especially at a Catholic school. I eventually left CCD because I was very hyper and I had started middle school, had friends, and I got into all city choir. (2) We would go to church almost every Sunday unless we were camping, or at Griffin. I also tried a few other churches but they were less structured and I couldn't grasp it.  One church they I went to with my sister and her friend from the neighborhood.  The last day they did a enactment of the rapture.  They used too many lights in a red hue.  I found it way more violent than it was intended and I was kind of traumatized by it. 
The one thing that helped a lot was being able to go to church on Friday and sunday.  I got to sing, it was structured, I believed what they were telling me about this magical loving man.  I once got to be the lectern.  Me and two other girls had assigned sections.  I remember being so excited that I memorized my script overnight.  As a teenager I volunteered in the daycare and joined the choir.  It was great.  I got to sing at midnight mass, play a string bass with the guitar chorus.  Then I hit puberty and I realized that by admitting who I am means in my religion I would be told it was wrong and a damnable offense.  I just couldn't believe what they were telling me. 
I still don't know what I believe but I know that if the Catholic church can start acting more like the magical loving man they taught me about all those years ago.  I may be able to start believing in them again.


1.  I feel like I just wrote an outline for an after school special.
2.  I have those group pictures. Turner! Bonnie!